A girl and her handsome men

Last year I introduced the world, or approximately 15 people, to the Handsome Men's Club fantasy baseball team and everywhere I went sport enthusiasts asked me, "How do you draft such a good looking team?"

Well, hold on tight readers, because I'm about to drop some drafting knowledge on you that will change your life.

When drafting a team solely based on looks, the internet is your best friend. Especially when you're an AL elitist and haven't been able to scout the NL players in person. Now, as you'll see as we go down the roster, you can't trust only one source. And by saying you can't trust one source, I mean, you can't trust the one image ESPN gives you in the draft room. It's a start, but it's not always accurate. You have to take advantage of Google Images and a little thing called Search Engine Optimization (SEO).

(Nerd Alert On) SEO is the process of improving the visibility of a website or web page in search engines via the "natural" or "organic" search results. (Nerd Alert Off)

If so, facto, if people are searching to see if a player has a girlfriend or wife, he is probably handsome, or makes a shitload of money. So, if I type in the player's name into the search field and a pre-populated suggestion of "Player Name girlfriend" or "Player Name wife" shows up, I have a contender.

Don't believe me? Try it out right now. First, do a google search for Joe Mauer. Now, do the same for Bartolo Colon.

See? Told you.

It's a science and an art. And I'm in the process of submitting it for a patent, so don't get any ideas of claiming the theory as your own.

Let's move on to the picture portion of this post, shall we?

Since this is year two of being in the league we got to select two players from last years roster as "keepers" for round 1 and 2. Two players clearly wanted it more than anyone else...




Round 1: Joe Mauer (C)
Definitely not just a face a mother could love. Le sigh.



Round 2: Brett Gardner (CF)
Steals my heart every time he steals a base.



Round 3: Chase Utley (2B) - currently sitting on the 15 day DL
Even with being on the DL and possibly not coming back until the All-star break, Chase Utley has a higher own percentage than last years 3rd round draft pick, Mark Teahen.



Round 4: Jacoby Ellsbury (CF)
That eye black really brings out the gold flecks in his brown eyes, don't you think?



Round 5: Grady Sizemore (CF) - currently on the 15 day DL
Grady's Ladies, rejoice! Grady has made it to it the upper echelon of fantasy baseball teams. It's just icing on the cake that Betty White's character on "Hot In Cleveland" is a fellow fan. As long as he steers clear of taking more Vanessa Hudgens-eqs photos we'll be just fine.



Round 6: Chase Headley (3B)
I love the excitement on his face after finding out he made the team!



Round 7: Joe Nathan (RP)
Enthusiasm and carisma, carisma, carisma.



Round 8: Billy Butler (1B)
I couldn't possibly have the HMC be sans Royal. Let's do this Big Donkey!



Round 9: Chad Billingsley (SP)
Kind of reminds me of Brian Bannister, let's hope he works out a little better than Banny did last season.



Round 10: Ian Desmond (SS)
The first of three smooth operators I drafted, he just looks like one doesn't he? Lucky for him, I hardly ever hear anything about the Washington Nationals so I'll have no idea if he's up to shenanigans behind my back or not.



Round 11: John Danks (SP)
I think I'm most excited about the return of this pitcher from last season's team.



Round 12: Garrett Jones (1B)
Great name. Great face.



Round 13: John Axford (RP)
It was around this time that the conversation in the draft room got started on crows (by me) and new team owner DJ distracted me with this awesome youtube video. Since I was preoccupied with the video I didn't consult google images for a second opinion on this guy. ESPN lead me to believe he looked like this.



When in actuality, he looks like a carnival worker. It is not a good sign when you start typing a players name in to google images and the most popular suggestion is "his name + mustache."



Round 14: John Jaso (C)
He more than makes up for the John Axford debacle of 2011.



Round 15: Ricky Romero (SP)
Smooth operator number two. Ay yi YI!



Round 16: A.J. Burnett (SP)
Nice skin tags.



Round 17: Bronson Arroyo (SP)
Last year I gave Mr. Arroyo a hard time for clearly losing a bet during the 2K10 photo day, but this year I think we can all agree, he got his "Redemption Photo."


Blogger's side note: Does anyone else think Mr. Red on Bronson's uniform looks like Mr. Met dressed up as one of the Mario Brothers?

Round 18: Ryan Raburn (LF)
Definitely considered an upgrade from the Detroit Tiger I had last season.



Round 19: Yunel Escobar (SS)
Jump on it!



Round 20: Edwin Jackson (SP)
Smooth operator number three. Warning: do not stare directly into his eyes, you'll fall in love.



Round 21: Rick Porcello
Adorable and half responsible for the great bench clearing of 2009. It would be a dream come true if one of my players was responsible for a bench clearing this season.



Round 22: Brandon League (RP)
This was a borderline Axford fiasco repeat, but luckily I stumbled upon this awesome photo of him and his hair.



Round 23: Skip Schumaker (2B)
This great find is couresty of some scouting done last season by my dear friend Darcie Brownback. Mother may I, right?



Round 24: Kevin Kouzmanoff (3B)
Look at that smile.



I seem to be incapable of drafting a completely healthy team, so much like last year, I had to bring in some extra help.

Coco Crisp (OF) - I love his name and even though he was kind of a big bust the one year he was a Royal, I still think he's got the handsome man swagger.



Ty Wiggington (1B, 2B, 3B) - He's so versatile how can he not be considered handsome?



And that, ladies and gents, is the starting roster for Handsome Men's Club 2K11. We look forward to entertaining you throughout the baseball season and hope to not come in last place.