Tales from the car lot: entry 1

As you 14 followers know, I'm in the market for a new (to me) car. After some research on the world wide web and pep talks from everyone in my family and a few co-workers, I decided to go to a dealership in Olathe that had a car I was interested in. Everyone told me: "Have fun." "Just go take some for a test drive." "No pressure."

Not gonna lie, it wasn't fun. And I'm really only finding the humor in it 2 days later.

I pull into the car lot that is roughly the same size as my hometown, and only find the new car section of Avengers. I get out and take a look, even though I have no intentions of buying a brand new car. I'm then approached by Derek, a big, black, 51-year old car salesman that opens with: "Is anybody helping you find the car of your dreams?"

I foolishly answered, "no" and so begins the most ridiculous 27 minutes of my life.

I explain that I had found an '08 Avenger online that I wanted to check out. He drives me over to the used car area and we soon discover said car is parked where the newly "sold" vehicles get parked.

But wait! Derek has an idea. There is an '09 model in gold, barf, that is only $2K more. No way in hell this is happening, but I'm here, I might as well take it for a test drive, right? It takes him a good 7 minutes to track down the keys to the car. We get in, and drive on a frontage road and back around to the lot for a grand total of ohhhh ......... about 4 minutes. In that 4 minutes, he asks me when my birthday is, I tell him the month and day and he says, "Oh, you're a pisces too?!"

I'm sorry, what 50 year old man knows his zodiac sign and proceeds to outline the characteristics of the sign??!?!

Keep in mind, at no point did he point out one feature of the car, not even the vanity mirrors!

So we pull back in to the dealership, I put it in park, and he asks, "So do you like it."

Again, I foolishly answer in a half-hearted, "yeah," because I didn't feel prepared enough to outline what I didn't like about this car, I just knew I didn't want it.

"Great, why don't we go inside and talk numbers."

I think that's a little aggressive and fear this is going to end awkwardly, but hope I'm wrong. I sit down and in what i can only assume is a sales tactic, he takes 5 minutes to come back in, lays a form in front of me and says, "Start filling this out and I'll be right back."

"Whoa, there big fella." (ok I didn't say big fella) "I'm not buying the car today."

"Whaaaaaaaaat?? Are you playing me guuuurl? What's the problem? You said you loved this car and you want to buy it. Was it something I said? Is my hair not combed? Do I stink?"

"Uhhh no, you asked me if I liked it. Not if I was going to buy it."

He then spends the next 6 or so minutes trying to convince me that I am the world's biggest idiot for not taking advantage of this great deal.

And the icing on the cake, wait for it....

wait for it...

As I stand up to leave he says, "You know, I can't guarantee I won't sell this car before Monday while you're thinking about it."

"You know what Derek, I would hate to keep you from doing your job, so you do what you gotta do. If you sell it then I guess it wasn't meant to be."

Jackwagon.

I didn't get to turn on the stereo, roll down a window, open the built in cooler, or set the damn cruise control. Do people really buy cars that quickly and with that little of thought?

Lesson learned. I'm not going car shopping again by myself. At the very least I'm taking a girlfriend in a low cut top to distract the goon's attention so that I can actually look at a car.

Any readers who know where I can find a great deal on a Dodge Avenger, V6, ABS, lower milage, lower cost, not gold or red, let me know.

Destiny

Ok, calling it destiny might be a little dramatic, but I got free tickets to an early screening of "Going the Distance." Click here for why it's destiny...it was just an added bonus that I got to go for free.

It's no Overboard, but overall I give the movie 3 out of 5 stars. The best part of the movie is Garrett's friend and roommate, Dan, played by Charlie Day.

Mom you wouldn't like it :)

7 years and 16 cents later

So the next worst thing to missing out on enjoying my Blizzard happened. The insurance company totaled out my car. Knowing full well that there is no other way I'd get that much money for my car any other way, I'm taking the cash before they figure out I only have one speaker that works, no volume control on the radio and an air conditioner that goes out when it's warmer than 90 degrees.

That means I had to clean everything out of my car. This is what 7 years of car ownership looks like. (Not pictured: half full trash bag of paper receipts that I cleaned out on Sunday)

I thought I'd done a better job keeping my car clean after the OPPD left me a note on my windshield, 4 years ago, that said my car was at risk for being broke into because of the clutter. Apparently, I just moved the clutter to my trunk.

Some highlights include:

• a bridesmaids shawl
• 9 pairs of dirty socks from the softball season
• 2 mixed cassette tapes made from songs on the radio
• a congratulations card from my realator that helped me find my condo
• 6 pennies
• 2 nickels
• a rock from Brian & Sonya's rock garden that Abby gave me after the "Erin loves rocks" fiasco
• and my favorite...this thing.

What the heck is this and who gave it to me?

Maybe I'll do better next car.

Goodbye old friend. Thanks for the miles.

Isn't ironic, don't you think?

Alanis Morissette had a smash hit back in the day called "Ironic" where she lists off a lot of things that are bummers, but not really ironic incidences.

Here's a story in irony.

Yesterday, I was sideswiped by a risk management officer talking on his cell phone while driving. It was definitely very scary, but I'm ok. The ole Dodge Status has looked better, right now I think only body damage. We are currently waiting prognosis and finding her a good plastic surgeon.

Since my guardian angels kept me safe yesterday I feel it's only fitting that I be honest as to what really upset me yesterday. When the accident happen, I was on my way home from DQ, I had gotten a new mini blizzard and 4 piece chicken strip basket. By time I got home the blizzard was melted and the hot food was gross and cold. It reminded me of the story Mom and Dad use to tell about my older sister Kim. She fell down the stairs once (not really surprising for either one of us) and screamed and cried bloody murder. Mom and Dad race downstair to make sure she's ok and ask what hurts and she finally tells them she's upset because she broke her cookie.

It was definitely a broken cookie moment.

The little things ...

I get excited by the littlest/stupidest things. Case in point, I just saw the new movie trailer for "Going the Distance" and realized the two main character names are Erin, and wait for it ... GARRETT!

Is this enough to make me want to see the movie? Not sure yet. But what I would like to know is if this somehow entitles me to any money the movie makes. Any lawyers who read this blog are welcome to let me know.