Pigs don't fly for a reason

And that reason is?

If they did, bacon and sausage would taste disgusting.

For nearly half a decade I've been convinced that turkey bacon tastes good. I don't know what kind of turkey bacon I had when I thought it tasted good, but I can say, without doubt, that I was wrong.

From time to time I've substituted ground turkey for ground beef in recipes like tacos or spaghetti meat sauce and it's tasted pretty good. So, a few weeks ago I thought I'd give turkey sausage breakfast links a try. Uhhh, barf. I couldn't even eat two links doused in mustard it was so gross. I had to throw the rest away.

This morning when I went grocery shopping, I wanted bacon, but in an attempt to be healthier, I picked up some Jeannie O turkey bacon. Umm...first of all, it doesn't fry crispy like real bacon at all and it tastes like really bad fried light bologna. And to top that off, they consider one slice a serving. If it even tasted a little bit like real bacon that would be a problem, because nobody can eat just one slice of real bacon. Ugh, but this crap, no problem. I only "fried" up like 6 slices and the rest went back in the fridge. I'm going to see if I can pawn the rest off on some schmuck at work.

So in summation, turkeys can't intimidate pigs, long live real artery clogging bacon!