I admit it, when my two oldest nieces showed me videos of Keenan Cahill lip-syncing I felt confused and saddened for the younger generation. But now, I TOTALLY get it.
I was sent a link to this bleacher report today and well...the magic below is about to blow your mind.
I'm so sad "Troy Tulo 'Party In The USA' Whiskey and Friends" team owner Amanda Gleason won't trade me Brian Wilson and that magnificent beard of his. Nobody else seems to want Cody Ross so that pickup shouldn't be a problem.
Next year I might only draft players with boss facial hair.
Showing posts with label handsome men's club team. Show all posts
Showing posts with label handsome men's club team. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A girl and her handsome men
Last year I introduced the world, or approximately 15 people, to the Handsome Men's Club fantasy baseball team and everywhere I went sport enthusiasts asked me, "How do you draft such a good looking team?"
Well, hold on tight readers, because I'm about to drop some drafting knowledge on you that will change your life.
When drafting a team solely based on looks, the internet is your best friend. Especially when you're an AL elitist and haven't been able to scout the NL players in person. Now, as you'll see as we go down the roster, you can't trust only one source. And by saying you can't trust one source, I mean, you can't trust the one image ESPN gives you in the draft room. It's a start, but it's not always accurate. You have to take advantage of Google Images and a little thing called Search Engine Optimization (SEO).
(Nerd Alert On) SEO is the process of improving the visibility of a website or web page in search engines via the "natural" or "organic" search results. (Nerd Alert Off)
If so, facto, if people are searching to see if a player has a girlfriend or wife, he is probably handsome, or makes a shitload of money. So, if I type in the player's name into the search field and a pre-populated suggestion of "Player Name girlfriend" or "Player Name wife" shows up, I have a contender.
Don't believe me? Try it out right now. First, do a google search for Joe Mauer. Now, do the same for Bartolo Colon.
See? Told you.
It's a science and an art. And I'm in the process of submitting it for a patent, so don't get any ideas of claiming the theory as your own.
Let's move on to the picture portion of this post, shall we?
Since this is year two of being in the league we got to select two players from last years roster as "keepers" for round 1 and 2. Two players clearly wanted it more than anyone else...
Round 1: Joe Mauer (C)
Definitely not just a face a mother could love. Le sigh.
Round 2: Brett Gardner (CF)
Steals my heart every time he steals a base.
Round 3: Chase Utley (2B) - currently sitting on the 15 day DL
Even with being on the DL and possibly not coming back until the All-star break, Chase Utley has a higher own percentage than last years 3rd round draft pick, Mark Teahen.
Round 4: Jacoby Ellsbury (CF)
That eye black really brings out the gold flecks in his brown eyes, don't you think?
Round 5: Grady Sizemore (CF) - currently on the 15 day DL
Grady's Ladies, rejoice! Grady has made it to it the upper echelon of fantasy baseball teams. It's just icing on the cake that Betty White's character on "Hot In Cleveland" is a fellow fan. As long as he steers clear of taking more Vanessa Hudgens-eqs photos we'll be just fine.
Round 6: Chase Headley (3B)
I love the excitement on his face after finding out he made the team!
Round 7: Joe Nathan (RP)
Enthusiasm and carisma, carisma, carisma.
Round 8: Billy Butler (1B)
I couldn't possibly have the HMC be sans Royal. Let's do this Big Donkey!
Round 9: Chad Billingsley (SP)
Kind of reminds me of Brian Bannister, let's hope he works out a little better than Banny did last season.
Round 10: Ian Desmond (SS)
The first of three smooth operators I drafted, he just looks like one doesn't he? Lucky for him, I hardly ever hear anything about the Washington Nationals so I'll have no idea if he's up to shenanigans behind my back or not.
Round 11: John Danks (SP)
I think I'm most excited about the return of this pitcher from last season's team.
Round 12: Garrett Jones (1B)
Great name. Great face.
Round 13: John Axford (RP)
It was around this time that the conversation in the draft room got started on crows (by me) and new team owner DJ distracted me with this awesome youtube video. Since I was preoccupied with the video I didn't consult google images for a second opinion on this guy. ESPN lead me to believe he looked like this.
When in actuality, he looks like a carnival worker. It is not a good sign when you start typing a players name in to google images and the most popular suggestion is "his name + mustache."
Round 14: John Jaso (C)
He more than makes up for the John Axford debacle of 2011.
Round 15: Ricky Romero (SP)
Smooth operator number two. Ay yi YI!
Round 16: A.J. Burnett (SP)
Nice skin tags.
Round 17: Bronson Arroyo (SP)
Last year I gave Mr. Arroyo a hard time for clearly losing a bet during the 2K10 photo day, but this year I think we can all agree, he got his "Redemption Photo."
Blogger's side note: Does anyone else think Mr. Red on Bronson's uniform looks like Mr. Met dressed up as one of the Mario Brothers?
Round 18: Ryan Raburn (LF)
Definitely considered an upgrade from the Detroit Tiger I had last season.
Round 19: Yunel Escobar (SS)
Jump on it!
Round 20: Edwin Jackson (SP)
Smooth operator number three. Warning: do not stare directly into his eyes, you'll fall in love.
Round 21: Rick Porcello
Adorable and half responsible for the great bench clearing of 2009. It would be a dream come true if one of my players was responsible for a bench clearing this season.
Round 22: Brandon League (RP)
This was a borderline Axford fiasco repeat, but luckily I stumbled upon this awesome photo of him and his hair.
Round 23: Skip Schumaker (2B)
This great find is couresty of some scouting done last season by my dear friend Darcie Brownback. Mother may I, right?
Round 24: Kevin Kouzmanoff (3B)
Look at that smile.
I seem to be incapable of drafting a completely healthy team, so much like last year, I had to bring in some extra help.
Coco Crisp (OF) - I love his name and even though he was kind of a big bust the one year he was a Royal, I still think he's got the handsome man swagger.
Ty Wiggington (1B, 2B, 3B) - He's so versatile how can he not be considered handsome?
And that, ladies and gents, is the starting roster for Handsome Men's Club 2K11. We look forward to entertaining you throughout the baseball season and hope to not come in last place.
Well, hold on tight readers, because I'm about to drop some drafting knowledge on you that will change your life.
When drafting a team solely based on looks, the internet is your best friend. Especially when you're an AL elitist and haven't been able to scout the NL players in person. Now, as you'll see as we go down the roster, you can't trust only one source. And by saying you can't trust one source, I mean, you can't trust the one image ESPN gives you in the draft room. It's a start, but it's not always accurate. You have to take advantage of Google Images and a little thing called Search Engine Optimization (SEO).
(Nerd Alert On) SEO is the process of improving the visibility of a website or web page in search engines via the "natural" or "organic" search results. (Nerd Alert Off)
If so, facto, if people are searching to see if a player has a girlfriend or wife, he is probably handsome, or makes a shitload of money. So, if I type in the player's name into the search field and a pre-populated suggestion of "Player Name girlfriend" or "Player Name wife" shows up, I have a contender.
Don't believe me? Try it out right now. First, do a google search for Joe Mauer. Now, do the same for Bartolo Colon.
See? Told you.
It's a science and an art. And I'm in the process of submitting it for a patent, so don't get any ideas of claiming the theory as your own.
Let's move on to the picture portion of this post, shall we?
Since this is year two of being in the league we got to select two players from last years roster as "keepers" for round 1 and 2. Two players clearly wanted it more than anyone else...
Round 1: Joe Mauer (C)
Definitely not just a face a mother could love. Le sigh.
Round 2: Brett Gardner (CF)
Steals my heart every time he steals a base.
Round 3: Chase Utley (2B) - currently sitting on the 15 day DL
Even with being on the DL and possibly not coming back until the All-star break, Chase Utley has a higher own percentage than last years 3rd round draft pick, Mark Teahen.
Round 4: Jacoby Ellsbury (CF)
That eye black really brings out the gold flecks in his brown eyes, don't you think?
Round 5: Grady Sizemore (CF) - currently on the 15 day DL
Grady's Ladies, rejoice! Grady has made it to it the upper echelon of fantasy baseball teams. It's just icing on the cake that Betty White's character on "Hot In Cleveland" is a fellow fan. As long as he steers clear of taking more Vanessa Hudgens-eqs photos we'll be just fine.
Round 6: Chase Headley (3B)
I love the excitement on his face after finding out he made the team!
Round 7: Joe Nathan (RP)
Enthusiasm and carisma, carisma, carisma.
Round 8: Billy Butler (1B)
I couldn't possibly have the HMC be sans Royal. Let's do this Big Donkey!
Round 9: Chad Billingsley (SP)
Kind of reminds me of Brian Bannister, let's hope he works out a little better than Banny did last season.
Round 10: Ian Desmond (SS)
The first of three smooth operators I drafted, he just looks like one doesn't he? Lucky for him, I hardly ever hear anything about the Washington Nationals so I'll have no idea if he's up to shenanigans behind my back or not.
Round 11: John Danks (SP)
I think I'm most excited about the return of this pitcher from last season's team.
Round 12: Garrett Jones (1B)
Great name. Great face.
Round 13: John Axford (RP)
It was around this time that the conversation in the draft room got started on crows (by me) and new team owner DJ distracted me with this awesome youtube video. Since I was preoccupied with the video I didn't consult google images for a second opinion on this guy. ESPN lead me to believe he looked like this.
When in actuality, he looks like a carnival worker. It is not a good sign when you start typing a players name in to google images and the most popular suggestion is "his name + mustache."
Round 14: John Jaso (C)
He more than makes up for the John Axford debacle of 2011.
Round 15: Ricky Romero (SP)
Smooth operator number two. Ay yi YI!
Round 16: A.J. Burnett (SP)
Nice skin tags.
Round 17: Bronson Arroyo (SP)
Last year I gave Mr. Arroyo a hard time for clearly losing a bet during the 2K10 photo day, but this year I think we can all agree, he got his "Redemption Photo."
Blogger's side note: Does anyone else think Mr. Red on Bronson's uniform looks like Mr. Met dressed up as one of the Mario Brothers?
Round 18: Ryan Raburn (LF)
Definitely considered an upgrade from the Detroit Tiger I had last season.
Round 19: Yunel Escobar (SS)
Jump on it!
Round 20: Edwin Jackson (SP)
Smooth operator number three. Warning: do not stare directly into his eyes, you'll fall in love.
Round 21: Rick Porcello
Adorable and half responsible for the great bench clearing of 2009. It would be a dream come true if one of my players was responsible for a bench clearing this season.
Round 22: Brandon League (RP)
This was a borderline Axford fiasco repeat, but luckily I stumbled upon this awesome photo of him and his hair.
Round 23: Skip Schumaker (2B)
This great find is couresty of some scouting done last season by my dear friend Darcie Brownback. Mother may I, right?
Round 24: Kevin Kouzmanoff (3B)
Look at that smile.
I seem to be incapable of drafting a completely healthy team, so much like last year, I had to bring in some extra help.
Coco Crisp (OF) - I love his name and even though he was kind of a big bust the one year he was a Royal, I still think he's got the handsome man swagger.
Ty Wiggington (1B, 2B, 3B) - He's so versatile how can he not be considered handsome?
And that, ladies and gents, is the starting roster for Handsome Men's Club 2K11. We look forward to entertaining you throughout the baseball season and hope to not come in last place.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The suspense is palpable
Anticipation builds.
Opening day is only two days away.
The Handsome Men's Club drafts players tonight!
Who else is excited?
Opening day is only two days away.
The Handsome Men's Club drafts players tonight!
Who else is excited?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
4-star game
Without a doubt, the most popular post on this blog was the one that introduced the world to my fantasy baseball team, the Handsome Men's Club. From Florida to Washington, people raved about my no-nonsense-sport-savvy drafting style. This week marks the symbolic halfway point of the season, known as the All-Star Game, so I figured now was a good time to report how the season was playing out.
Surprisingly, to no one other than myself, I am not in first place. More surprisingly, to everyone else in my league, I am not in last place either. I am currently in 10th place (out of 12 teams). And the HMC has four, that's right...four players in the All-Star Game.
Joe Mauer (obviously the best drafting decision I could have ever made)
Justin Morneau (proof that my drafting strategy was good for the first 2 rounds...admittedly the wheels fell off in the 3rd round when I drafted Mark Teahen)
Chirs Young (a lucky break for me as far as stumbling on to this base thief)
Joakim Soria (somebody from the Royals had to be represented)
Hopefully we can really turn up the heat the second half of the season and break into the middle of the pack...ever mindful though of our team motto, "We don't care how good you play, so long as you're really, really, ridiculously good looking."
**Bloggers Update: I think I forgot to mention Jose Bautista being an All-Star so technically this should have been a 5-star game post...oh well. I never claimed to be accurate.**
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
A league of my own
How do you suck all the fun out of playing fantasy baseball? I don't know, I only seem to be able to enhance the experience for everyone in my league.
Last week I took part in the live draft for my first ever fantasy baseball team. My goal: draft the best looking team. How successful was I? Well, turns out some of the super good looking players are actually good so they got snatched up before I could get them, but all in all I'd let every single one of my players buy me a cola slushy at QT.
Without further ado, I'm happy to present The Handsome Men's Club team (as of 4/13/10)
Round 1: Joe Mauer (C)
I think it's pretty apparent why I called "DIBS" on this one first.
Round 2: Justin Morneau (1B)
I definitely caught some flack from the competition on this early draft.
Round 3: Mark Teahen (3B, OF)
This got a "Oh my gosh, Erin Garrett you crack me up!" from team owner Rebecca Schlegel, but as an avid watcher of The Mark Teahen Show, hosted by Mark Teahen, I had to pick my favorite former Royal. Plus isn't it customary for players to blow up after the Royals trade them?
Round 4: Josh Beckett (SP)
Nice teeth + little scruff = welcome to the team, Josh.
Round 5: Jhonny Peralta (SS)
Bringing in some latin heat (the dominican republic is considered latin, right?)
Round 6: Johnny Damon (LF)
Another former Royal, and let me say this draft would not have happen if he was still rocking the Geico Caveman/Billy Ray Cyrus look.
Round 7: Aaron Hill (2B) - currently sitting on the 15 day DL
The word adorable comes to mind.
Round 8: Joakim Soria (RP)
The drinking portion of the draft must of started kicking in at this point, but I still think "Jack" fills my "cute" quota needed to keep the HMC well-rounded. Trust me, the more saves he gets the cuter he is.
Round 9: Todd Helton (1B)
Are you burly and capable of striking a badass glamour shot pose? Then welcome aboard big fella.
Round 10: Carlos Gomez (CF)
If I were his agent I'd be working on getting him a Crest endorsement, look at that million dollar smile.
Round 11: Carlos Beltran (CF) - currently sitting on the 15 day DL
Class and sophistication.
Round 12: Casey Blake (3B)
Dodgers! Give Casey a high five if you think he's good looking. Alright!
Round 13: Rick Ankiel (CF)
Former Card. Current Royal. Let's hope he comes out to take a lot more bows for grand slams while wearing royal blue, cause this is a good look on him.
Round 14: John Danks (SP)
At this point I was just taking the highest ranked pitcher, but it looks like we're both excited to have him on the team. Win-win situation.
Round 15: Jorge Pasada (C)
If my season goes too far south before the All-Star break I think I'm going to start collecting catchers.
Round 16: J.A. Happ (SP)
Looks good from here.
Round 17: Mike Gonzalez (RP)
We needed some more facial hair on the team and I like the precision this guy brings to facial grooming.
Round 18: Leo Nunez (RP)
Chest bump for picking yet another former Royal.
Round 19: Bronson Arroyo (SP)
If you can still look pretty cute with that vertical eyebrow on your chin, long hair and goofy 1970's grade school picture pose, you've got the potential for greatness on the HMC team. Seriously, what was the MLB thinking when they took some of the 2K10 photos? I'm thinking he lost a bet of some sort.
Round 20: Brian Bannister aka "Banny" (SP)
His glove brings out his gorgeous blue eyes.
Round 21: Juan Rivera (LF)
Honestly, at this point in the draft I had lost all interest and while dorking around I managed to run out of time on the clock and this is who I got...I'm a little concerned that the best photo is of him with a hat and sunglasses on, but with a smile like that I'm very hopeful. Then again, he could be the Marla Hooch to my Jimmy Dugan.
Round 22: Kevin Gregg (RP)
Gives a good profile shot. Which any Top Model judge will tell you is good to have in your wheelhouse.
Since I managed to draft two players on the DL here is who I've called up while they are on reassignment.
Chris Getz (2B) - Somebody should really stop me from picking Royals for this team, but hey, when you're good looking, you're good looking.
Chris Young (OF) - I saw a number in the RBI column that I liked and went for it...looks like he's genuinely surprised to be on the team and that kind of humility will get you everywhere with the ladies.
It didn't workout this year for the following players to be on my Handsome Men's Club team, but hold your heads high, you're on my radar and I'm coming for you (Chase Utley, David Wright, Dustin Pedroia, Evan Longoria, Gordon Beckham, Matt Holliday and Grady Sizemore) next year if your current owner doesn't call dibs first.
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