Tales from the car lot: entry 1

As you 14 followers know, I'm in the market for a new (to me) car. After some research on the world wide web and pep talks from everyone in my family and a few co-workers, I decided to go to a dealership in Olathe that had a car I was interested in. Everyone told me: "Have fun." "Just go take some for a test drive." "No pressure."

Not gonna lie, it wasn't fun. And I'm really only finding the humor in it 2 days later.

I pull into the car lot that is roughly the same size as my hometown, and only find the new car section of Avengers. I get out and take a look, even though I have no intentions of buying a brand new car. I'm then approached by Derek, a big, black, 51-year old car salesman that opens with: "Is anybody helping you find the car of your dreams?"

I foolishly answered, "no" and so begins the most ridiculous 27 minutes of my life.

I explain that I had found an '08 Avenger online that I wanted to check out. He drives me over to the used car area and we soon discover said car is parked where the newly "sold" vehicles get parked.

But wait! Derek has an idea. There is an '09 model in gold, barf, that is only $2K more. No way in hell this is happening, but I'm here, I might as well take it for a test drive, right? It takes him a good 7 minutes to track down the keys to the car. We get in, and drive on a frontage road and back around to the lot for a grand total of ohhhh ......... about 4 minutes. In that 4 minutes, he asks me when my birthday is, I tell him the month and day and he says, "Oh, you're a pisces too?!"

I'm sorry, what 50 year old man knows his zodiac sign and proceeds to outline the characteristics of the sign??!?!

Keep in mind, at no point did he point out one feature of the car, not even the vanity mirrors!

So we pull back in to the dealership, I put it in park, and he asks, "So do you like it."

Again, I foolishly answer in a half-hearted, "yeah," because I didn't feel prepared enough to outline what I didn't like about this car, I just knew I didn't want it.

"Great, why don't we go inside and talk numbers."

I think that's a little aggressive and fear this is going to end awkwardly, but hope I'm wrong. I sit down and in what i can only assume is a sales tactic, he takes 5 minutes to come back in, lays a form in front of me and says, "Start filling this out and I'll be right back."

"Whoa, there big fella." (ok I didn't say big fella) "I'm not buying the car today."

"Whaaaaaaaaat?? Are you playing me guuuurl? What's the problem? You said you loved this car and you want to buy it. Was it something I said? Is my hair not combed? Do I stink?"

"Uhhh no, you asked me if I liked it. Not if I was going to buy it."

He then spends the next 6 or so minutes trying to convince me that I am the world's biggest idiot for not taking advantage of this great deal.

And the icing on the cake, wait for it....

wait for it...

As I stand up to leave he says, "You know, I can't guarantee I won't sell this car before Monday while you're thinking about it."

"You know what Derek, I would hate to keep you from doing your job, so you do what you gotta do. If you sell it then I guess it wasn't meant to be."

Jackwagon.

I didn't get to turn on the stereo, roll down a window, open the built in cooler, or set the damn cruise control. Do people really buy cars that quickly and with that little of thought?

Lesson learned. I'm not going car shopping again by myself. At the very least I'm taking a girlfriend in a low cut top to distract the goon's attention so that I can actually look at a car.

Any readers who know where I can find a great deal on a Dodge Avenger, V6, ABS, lower milage, lower cost, not gold or red, let me know.

Say what, Alabama?

I just stumbled upon this CNN video. A student showed up to her senior prom in a dress that violated the school dress code. Her options for punishment were either 3 days suspension or to be PADDLED! Seriously, get a grip ya damn hillbillies, paddling is not proper discipline for 18 year olds.

That dress is all sorts of not pretty, and she is totally showing off the clev, but that is so not the issue here. Stand your ground, Miss Erica.

Even Hitler is upset

Back before all this March Madness hit, K-State had a second meeting with KU in regular season play. Even though KU was on the heels of a nasty loss to Oklahoma State, and the game was in Lawrence and it was senior night, I went ahead and made a bet with my niece Kendahl, (who some how ended up a KU fan) that the loser had to get their picture taken wearing the winning teams clothing and make that their profile photo on facebook for a week.

As many of you know, we did in fact lose that game. So I would like to share some of the outtakes from that photo shoot. I was doing a really good job pouting for the camera, but the photographers kept laughing at me and it was hard to stay in character.

I felt like today was a good day to share this story because I can end by gloating that K-State is in the Sweet Sixteen and well, thanks to my new best friends Ali Farokhmanesh and "Guy with crazy chops and a really, really, really lame green shamrock tattoo on his shoulder", KU is not.

Here is a video of Hitler reacting the same way many others, presumably not KSU or Mizzou fans, did after this weekend.

The Great Nutella Challenge

Here at unfiltered nonsense we pride ourselves on quality conversations and debating the real facts of life. Recently, I blogged about entering a sweepstakes to win a case of Nutella as a favor to my friend Amanda. Well, my friends, that particular blog spurred a frenzy of activity with no fewer than three friends coming to the defense of Nutella saying it was a delicious treat.

Always trying to broaden my horizons, Becca threw down "The Great Nutella Challenge," try Nutella and report back.

Obstacle #1

Find Nutella in the grocery store. My usual grocery store, The Neighborhood Wal-mart, did not carry it. Luckily, this past weekend I was back home and found a small jar in a Super Wal-mart in Colby, KS.

Obstacle #2

Remember to take the Nutella back to KC with me when I left home. Fail. When I called Mom and told her to try the stuff for me and report her findings, she passed. Apparently, we Garretts like to judge food by it's cover. A 40-50 car pileup on I-70 deterred me from stopping at a grocery store on my way home Sunday night. (Fear not I was not involved in the accident, but it took me 45 minutes to go 4 miles, 5 hours after the initial pileup happen).

Obstacle #3

Try to find Nutella again, this time at Price Chopper. At first look there was no Nutella, but in what could only be described as God's answer to someone's prayers, I looked to the very back of the shelving and in the far back, an entire arms-length reach away from me, was one last jar of Nutella.

I cut up a banana, per Becca's recommendations, and took my first bite of Nutella. Amanda suggested I just eat it by the spoonful, but I wasn't that brave.

(real quick unrelated note, I found out my camera has a "food" setting and I can't wait to take more pictures of food now)

Final verdict?

One thumb up because the other one had to hold the camera. Nutella is surprisingly delicious and wildly bad for you. Seriously! In a 2 tablespoon serving size there are 200 calories and 100 of those are from fat. So eat up friends, but please do so in moderation, you could tub up real fast.

The things I do for friendship

In my inbox this morning I had a lovely ecard from Amanda Gleason asking me to enter a sweepstake for a case of Nutella. Naturally, she'd like to going halvesees if I ultimately win. Never one to turn down such an easy request from a tried and true friend, I entered the contest.

However, I feel like this survey of questions did not take into consideration a contestant entering and never having tasted the product before. I answered the remaining three questions as best as I could knowing that almost anything Gleason deems delicious, *cough* beet root and pineapple sandwich, is probably not that good.

Once I hit the submit button, i got a thank you message.

I'm sorry, does that say CASE A MONTH ?!?! What have I gotten myself into? Am I going to be receiving 12 jars of Nutella every MONTH if I win? Please just be for one month....