Sorry Excuse For a Human Being Award

I was raised to use the word "hate" very carefully because it's a very strong word, so I normally try to stay clear of it's usage unless I feel very strongly about something. Well, guess what? I HATE my sorry excuse for a human being, piece of shit, neighbor.

When I got home last night from work, he had simple kicked the dead, burnt squirrel carcass so that it was halfway between his door and mine. Fine. I'm not going to knock on his door and tell him what to do, maybe he just got home and will take care of it in a little while.

I leave for work this morning and the damn burnt squirrel carcass is on my welcome mat!! "Oh no he didint". Venom is coursing through my veins. There is no wind to speak of that could have blown the thing over, and he doesn't have a dog, so that ass wipe must of kicked it onto my welcome mat knowingly.

I get my outdoor broom and send the carcass flying across the cement like a hockey puck so that it's out on the street/grass area where it will hopefully stay. No way in hell am I picking it up and putting it in the trash without a shovel.

This guy is on my shit list and if it wasn't for him looking kind of like Stanley Tucci in "The Lovely Bones"

I would have left him a strongly worded letter on his door. Instead, I'm just going to hope that karma takes him down. Preferably he blows out two tires after driving over a giant pothole and as he's stranded on the side of the road he's attacked by an army of angry squirrels.

For those of you still wanting to see photos of the dead squirrel I really couldn't take pictures this morning because I was still shaking with anger, but I found two photos on the internet already that should give you a good idea of what it looked like.

This first one shows the position the body was in...

This second photo shows about how burnt it was...

Grody with a capital "G"

This morning when I left for work there was something black and big and dead in front of my neighbor's door on the ground. I initially thought it might be a dead bird, perhaps a crow, but no. It was. In fact. A dead. Semi burnt. Squirrel.

(insert groans and dry heaving sounds here)

What the heck? How does that happen. First of all his car wasn't in his carport anymore so that means he had already left for the day and most likely saw the squirrel, stepped over it to get out the door, leaned over it to lock the door and left it untouched. But how did it get there? Did the poor animal spontaneously combust? Did my neighbor anger someone, causing them to leave a burning squirrel by his front door? Was the squirrel seeking shelter in the chimney and catch on fire when my neighbor wanted to have a little ambience?

You and I will never know, because I go out of my way to avoid conversations with nearly all my neighbors, but speculating is probably 92% of the fun.

I almost ran back into my house to get my camera so I could post a photo here, but then I decided that,

• That's gross and I really don't want that file on my computer.
• Not that many of you will really want to see a dead, semi burnt squirrel.
• It might be bad karma to post a photo of my neighbors misery on my very first blog post.